Round 1 Part 1 - The Results are IN!!!

Steve Sawaya vs Ronell Hugh

The battle between the Dragon Warrior (Steve Sawaya) and Black Mamba (Kobe Bryant… I mean Ronell Hugh) was by far the closest battle of round one – in fact this battle was determined by ONE vote. If you didn’t vote, make sure you do… your vote can make the difference. Who will be your American Idol….um…. MBA Fighter Champion? Back to the battle.

This fight began long before it was actually supposed to be scheduled. Both fighters were involved in a weekly pick-up basketball game. The games were normally very intense, but this last Friday, the tension was so thick, it could be cut with a knife. Ronell was on one team, Steve was on the other and they were selected to guard each other. Each knew of the battle that was scheduled, making this game all the more intense. After a few times up and down the court, each fighter knew that this was no longer a basketball game, this was THE FIGHT. Black Mamba acted first. As the Dragon Warrior dribbled down the court, Black Mamba hit him with the dreaded Blazing Caribbean Fist. Immediately, Steve burst out into flames. Ronell looked around with a smile. Surely his opponent had been vanquished. As he looked around, one of his teammates asked “Um… don’t you think that was a little excessive. Just go for the ball next time.” With that Ronell used the Blazing Caribbean Fist on his teammate and taught him a lesson he will never forget. Don’t mess with Ronell. Fortunately for Steve, as he was blazing with fire, he remembered the words of his kindergarten teacher “Stop. Drop and Roll.” And that’s just what he did. Within seconds the flames were out and he was on his feet. He turned to see Ronell using the Blazing Caribbean Fist on his own teammate. As Ronell laughed with power he turned to look at his vanquished opponent, but as he turned Steve quickly grabbed his finger in the Wuxi Finger Hold. Ronell’s eyes widened in fear. “How?” He whispered. “Kindergarten” and that was the last thing Ronell heard. The battle was over – no one escapes the Wuxi Finger hold. Steve was victorious.

Moroni Schwab vs Dallan Huff

This battle featured plenty of theatrics from both participants. From the beginning, it was more mental than physical. Hoping to psyche his opponent out, Moroni attempted to emulate his namesake and showed up with a sword, a cimeter, a loincloth and not much else. Not wanting to be outdone by the “Stripling Warrior”, Dallan “The Pain Train” Huff came in an outfit of his own. His mighty frame was squeezed into blue and white overalls and he had a matching conductor hat.

Schwab wasted no time and attacked first. He bellowed out that he was fighting for his “home, liberty, wife and children.” This proclamation startled Huff and he yelled out, ‘you have children Moroni?” At this, Moroni stopped his attack, thought for a moment and realized no, he didn’t have children. He was fighting in vain. This hesitation was all the ‘Pain Train’ needed. He began to make incessant “choo-choo” sounds as he slammed his opponent over and over into the wall. No fighter had ever come back from the feared ‘runaway train’ finishing move and today was no different. The battle was over and Dallan stood victorious.

Justin Wood vs. Wagner Dias

This battle was more than just fighter against fighter. This was country against country, culture against culture. American Justin Wood, aka ‘Juice’ quickly demonstrated that size alone would not dictate the outcome of this fight. Despite giving up 6 inches and 80 pounds to his Brazilian counterpart, Wood performed admirably. He used a combination of punches and crane kicks to quickly subdue Dias. As Dias laid on the ground, Wood prepared to finish him off with his signature move, the ‘orange crush.’ As he sat up to initiate the move, a strange screaming noise could be heard in the distance. The screaming got closer and closer, and Wood could only make out the words “Rodizio. . . skewer” Panic set in as ‘Juice’ realized that the high-pitched screams were being uttered in Portuguese.

As Justin looked up, he saw 4 fighters wearing lucha libre masks hovering over him. Their faces were covered, but when Justin heard Wagner exclaim, “Fernando, Rodrigo, Edgar, Felipe”, he knew it was over. Rodrigo yelled, “Brazil will be home to the World Cup in 2014, the Olympics in 2016 and we will also be home to the MBA fighting champion! Long live Brazil! With that, the favela-trained fighters attacked and the Brazilian Bulldozer lived to see another day.

Jim Fowler vs Mike Baer

“Peace and Harmony in the Universe”. Jim stared at Mike. Mike stared Jim. Neither fighter really wanted to fight, but the crowd was chanting and urging the fighters to attack. Jim was nervous, he didn’t like violence and was involuntarily put into this tournament. The best thing he could muster was to say “Peace and harmony in the universe.” Mike was okay with a good battle, but he could see that Jim really didn’t want to fight. As an extremely nice person, Mike couldn’t bring himself to attack Jim when his opponent was clearly such a peaceful person, so both were stuck in the ice-like staring contest. 5 minutes passed. The crowd became restless. 30 minutes passed and the boos began to fly. Mike and Jim were both sweating and their eyes were really red. Seriously, have you ever had a staring contest for 30 minutes? Suddenly, an enraged fan emerged from the crowd and jumped into the battlefield. She was armed with only her fists and a rage that only she could possess. The Amazon Warrior, Erin Page quickly seized Jim and lifted him over her head and slammed him to the ground. She then turned to Mike, the Grizzly Assassin. Not wanting the same fate as his opponent, Mike conceded “Fine, I’ll finish him up”. With her arms crossed, Erin stood over Jim and impatiently waited for Mike to finish the battle. In a confusing twist of arms and legs, Mike quickly had Jim in the dreaded Three-legged monkey. ‘Noooo. Only peace’ , thought Jim, but all that emerged from his mouth was a monkey like cry. With the sound of the monkey, the crowd knew the battle was over. Mike, the Grizzly Assassin was victorious and the Amazon Warrior’s hunger for battle had been appeased... for now.